Posted by: 103rdtransferwife | June 1, 2010

What a difference a day makes.

362 Days until the echo of my love is replaced with the real thing, my husband home for good.

Yesterday, he was here.

Now he is not.

My house feels so empty without him here. Having him home for 4 days was wonderful, but it brought back to the front of my mind all the things I am missing without him here. He is everywhere and nowhere. I miss him.

It’s very hard knowing I won’t see him for months, and that seeing him is based on the pleasure of the Army. And you all know how much I just love this unit.

Honestly, I cannot wait for this deployment to be over. It’s just starting, so that attitude is a problem. I hate that he is with a group of strangers. I hate that I don’t know them at all. I hate that. In his home unit, I know the soldiers. I know them because I’ve served them breakfast. I’ve seen them and their families at socials. I’ve seen them at parties and ceremonies. I have NO such frame of reference for this unit. The reception was overwhelming, overcrowded, and not set up to facilitate people meeting others. From what my husband is telling me, this unit is very much operating on an us versus them attitude: If you are a transfer, you don’t matter because you are not part of the in crowd. Yes, very mature attitude there. I thought this was the Army not high school. That attitude being displayed very much worries me as my husband heads into a combat zone. I don’t really trust that anyone will have his back. Other than his direct supervisors, I haven’t heard him say anything good about anyone else there.

As for me? Today I’m letting myself be down. I kept Poppet home from day care because she is being very clingy to me, and frankly, I wanted to be with her today. We both miss him very, very much. I’ve gotten a couple of work projects done today, but otherwise am just being lazy. I’m still in my jammies, but to be honest, as I work from home, I’ve begun to be a bit Hugh Hefner in that approach, meaning I might be very busy at 3pm, and have been working all day, but I’m still in my jammies.

Today is the only pity party day I’m letting myself have. Tomorrow I have a very busy day. Same with Thursday. So today I’ll mope around, tomorrow I’ll try to return to the living.

The echo of him is still ever present in our home. I didn’t feel that way before he came home. I hate that I won’t see him for an unknown amount of time, a very long amount of time. I hate that this deployment is over a year. The length is just so very long. I saw online that at a briefing, navy wives were complaining about the length of their deployments, which are usually 6 months. HELLO out there. Reality calling. The Army and the Marines are running over a year in length deployments. A couple of weeks ago, I saw an Air Force spouse complaining on the news about a 3 month deployment. SHUT UP. Yes, I know every deployment is hard, but when you get the shorter in length deployments, don’t complain about the length. Just don’t. Complain about how hard the separation is, but don’t complain about the length.

I’d also like to thank the Cooperation for Public Broadcast, Chuck E Cheese, and donations from viewers like you, Thank you. Poppet loves to watch the shows on PBS.

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