Posted by: 103rdtransferwife | May 14, 2010

So I guess that’s why they call it….

380 days until I have someone else to put Poppet to bed.

I went to lunch yesterday with a friend I haven’t seen in a while.  She told me I looked great, and asked which diet I was doing.  I told her it is the “my husband’s deployed and I’m stressed diet.” I haven’t stepped on a scale, but I have lost weight.

Simply having my husband gone is a stress.  My body is reacting.  I find myself nauseated all the time.  I’m losing weight because I have no appetite. Portion control has always been something I’ve struggled with.  Now, I find myself eating half of what I usually would.  I’m making myself eat what I can, but if I eat too much, I find myself feeling like I need to vomit.  I’m also thinking it might be time for the Activia challenge, if you get my drift.  I know this is how my body reacts to stress. In the past I’ve had medical workups showing there is nothing wrong with me physically, just emotionally.  I know this is one way I react to stress, but it doesn’t make the dry heaves any better.

I’m finding I’m pretty mad at America.  I hate the Army.  Oh, what I’d say to George W. Bush if I got the chance.  All the yellow ribbons on the cars of people who don’t have a loved one gone and who haven’t been through this make me mad. I’m feeling very unpatriotic right now.  Yesterday “God Bless America” came over the speakers at the mall.  I just rolled my eyes and walked away.  Usually that song gets me all teary. It’s a song that in my mind is irrevocably tied to 9-11.  Yesterday, it just annoyed me.

I guess I’m starting to adjust to him being gone. I guess.  I guess that’s why they call it the blues.  Time on my hands could be time spent with you.  Laughing like children. Living like lovers, rolling like thunder under the covers.  And I guess that’s why they call it the blues.

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