Posted by: 103rdtransferwife | May 10, 2010

Another day, another …

384 more days of longing.

So we’ve had a mail problem so far.

I bet all the military families out there can guess what the next problem we’ve had.  Dun Dun Dun!  What do we have for them Bob?  A new car?  Nope, pay errors.

I’ve taken this surprisingly well.  Really.  We’ve had pay errors in the past which have sent my blood pressure into the 300’s.  This time, I’ve been rather meh about them.  I expected it.  How I discovered it was I logged on to check my husband’s LES so I could figure out the amount for our church offering, and whamo, there’s the pay error in all it’s glory, just sitting there going, yeah, somehow the Army’s taken over a thousand dollars out of your check.

I talked to my husband and he will do a pay inquiry to get this resolved. I will continue to monitor the LES forms.

Now all we need is a problem with TriCare, and we will have the trifecta of Army perfection.  /sarcasm.

Before my husband left, he and my mom went shopping for “secrets.” Secrets I ended up transferring the amount from our account to my mom’s account to pay for.  I have told both of them that next time they do secrets, they need to do it without me knowing.  Well I got one of my secrets yesterday, for Mother’s Day.

And I love it.

He told me he picked them out.

The first one is called Promise. Hold dear the promise of love
The second one is called Angel Love So happy to love and be loved

I really love them. I have them sitting on my dresser. The figurine of the couple is very meaningful to me. I want to hug him like that right now. I look forward to hugging him like that when he comes home. It is the promise that love will still be there.

I’ve struggled this weekend with figuring out how to have a life without him for a year, yet have room for him when he comes home. I had some busy days this weekend with a lot of manual labor and it felt good. Afterward, I felt guilty, as if doing something productive and enjoyable was somehow meaning I was moving on. I thought of him CONSTANTLY over the weekend.

How does one do that? I have to leave the next 1 year and 18 days without him. How do I not spend those days in misery, but still have room for him when he comes home? How does one adjust to the separation and then the reunion? To quote a very cheesy Michael Bolton song:

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I’ve been lovin’ you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I’ve been livin’ for is gone?

I’m honestly asking the question.  How do I do everything I have to do for the next 384 days and still need him?  How do I do all the parenting for the next 384 days and still have Poppet love him and need him to be her father?  How do I support him through the trials and hardship that the next 384 days place on him?   How do I do this overwhelming task? How do I keep my life going, but still have room for him in my life when this deployment is done?

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