Posted by: 103rdtransferwife | May 6, 2010

Everything is Harder Alone

388 days remain until I have my husband home and our daughter has her daddy home for good.

So yesterday I was a good worker bee and did all sorts of laundry, and actually folded it too. Then I got distracted and left the laundry all folded nicely in the baskets downstairs. I went upstairs to shower, and when I was finished realized that my oh so nicely folded towels are all downstairs. Of course. In my linen closet, the only towels in there were either towels left over from when Poppet was a baby, or hand towels.

And there was no one to go get me a towel. It’s not like Poppet can go get me one.

Yesterday, I let myself get excited. I shouldn’t have. Leave it to the Army to take much longer than necessary to do a simple task. When I learned that my husband hadn’t gotten his package, which I know has been delivered thanks to the wonders of delivery confirmation, I took it very hard. Honestly, I was crushed. I know better. I know much better than to expect the Army to do something as important and simple as delivering the mail efficiently.

I got busy yesterday. No, not like that. I am cleaning out all the accumulated crapola which inhabits our dining room. My goal is to get it cleaned out today, so I can go purchase a new dining room set. I’ve been saving up to purchase a new table and chairs for a couple of months now. The table we currently have is a hand me down from my grandparents, and the table is older than I am. It also now has no chairs because they were really old and broke. It’s also oval, and takes up way too much room in my tiny dining room area. I’m looking for a rectangle 6 top table with a removable leaf, a chairs with a straight back, and a bench. I plan to push it into the corner, so it takes the least amount of room on a daily basis, but I can pull it out so I can have people over.

I also did some home fixing. Our master bedroom has a balcony off of it, and Poppet just loves to go out there and basically stay for hours. I am right inside the sliding door in my room, listening and checking in on her. Well I discovered that the supports are far enough apart that Poppet can easily slip through them. I had to bring her in, which incited a temper tantrum. I went to Home Depot (10% military discount all the time) and got some garden netting and zip ties. I’ve now made the balcony safe for Poppet to go play out there to her heart’s content.

Emotionally, it was a hard day. I had a visit with my therapist, yes I have one, and rather than comforting me, it has me worried. He’s going for over a year. Balad seems to be one big bed hop. Do the math. She gave me some guidance on helping him, but yeah, I came out of there even more worried, and with the feeling that I better be nice to him so as to not give him a reason to cheat. It wasn’t comforting. Before the deployment, she was our marriage counselor, and we had made a lot of progress, but there are still things we haven’t resolved. Now, I don’t have any doubts about my husband having been faithful in the past, and we have talked about affair prevention, but it is a huge worry for me. People get so far away, so lonely, so bored, and … Another thing I’ve read several times is that women go after men and relentlessly pursue them because they think they have money, power, etc. My husband is a bit clueless, I mean I nearly had to hit him over the head to get us to start dating. He doesn’t always see things. He’s a very smart and intelligent person, but he doesn’t always see the negative motivations people have. When we were engaged, one of my sorority “sisters” very much made a move for him, and he claims he didn’t even notice. My worry about this is he won’t notice until he is in over his head. I am comforted by the fact that my husband is a very loyal and honorable man, and one whom I trust very much. It’s everyone else I don’t trust. He also is a man with needs, and I won’t be there to meet his needs. We are a religiously conservative family, so porn and masturbation are not allowed due to our deeply held beliefs. It is those beliefs and our vows which comfort me, but I’d be an idiot not to realize it could happen and do affair prevention, on both ends of this deployment. We set some ground rules, like never being alone with someone of the opposite sex, we’ve discussed emotional fidelity. As an at home spouse, I wish the Army would add no sex PERIOD on the deployment to General Order 1. Please no comments about legislating morality, this is my wish, I know it won’t happen. I’ve been doing some reading on how to keep the spark alive when you are on opposite sides of the planet, and sent him a very fiery letter yesterday.

While I’m on this topic, may I say it is complete and utter bull shit that the Army still runs deployments for over a year. I’m so jealous of the Air Force and Navy with 3 and 6 months in length deployments. That seems very manageable, something we’ve done before. This 15 month crap? Seems undo-able. Those extra months seem to add so much more stress, loneliness, and more risk for bad things to happen. I tried to get him to go Air Force, but he stuck with the Army.

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